Our first blog post is about loving you!  Why?  Because it is only at this point when you personally decide that you are enough, that you are totally worth it, and that you are happy with you, that you will be able to be loved by someone else.  You must know the real you.  It is up to you to know what makes your emotions run.  It is up to you to know how you will respond to situations.  It is up to you to control those responses.   You control you!

Key steps to loving yourself:

List what you love about yourself

It is human nature to focus on what we want to change but in the process we tend to forget all the great things that still exist.  I propose that you actually make a list of things you like about you.  These can be physical, mental, emotional, or sensual strengths that you are happy with.  Make the list as long as possible and then continue adding to it.  Go back and reread it as often as necessary until you start believing yourself.

Listen to your inner desires and needs

We’re busy.  We want to please everyone else.  We rarely take times to actually ask ourselves, “What do I want”.  But your body, mind and heart will tell you what you need and desire.  You just need to listen to it.  Make a date with yourself for five minutes a week to ask “Am I happy” “Is this what I want” “Are the decisions I am making really my decisions”.

Live a life with a well-balanced diet and exercise routine

This is probably the oldest rule in the world but it’s true.  You are what you eat and do.  Take care of your body first and foremost for an uplifting attitude and a self confidence boost.

Protect yourself

From people taking advantage of you.  Negative people.  Dream crushers.  People who never put you first.  When you weed out the negativity and focus on positivity you allow yourself a chance to stretch your legs to see what you can really accomplish and become.

Live every day in the now

Letting go of the past and learning how to move on is probably one of the biggest challenges to growing as a person.  Things happen that we can’t change.  We need to learn how to accept it, learn how to cope with it, and learn a lesson from it.  Live in the now!  Don’t let yesterday take away your fuel for today.  And don’t let dreams of tomorrow overshadow what is happening right now.

Let go of fear and dream

It’s hard to take a risk.  Putting yourself out there for potential failure.  But those who lack dreams are setting themselves up for failure because they will never experience themselves at their full potential.  We learn by the mistakes that we make.  So what if we fail, it’s all in how we pick ourselves back up and keep on moving that defines who we truly are.

Make the choice to love yourself.  It’s only a decision and we make 1,000,000 decisions every day. 

One day I got the brilliant idea to set my best girlfriend and a guy friend up.  The guy friend was a bartender at a place where I have business meetings.  I was trying to be smart about it and figured that she and I would just go in one night for drinks.  This way I wasn’t really setting them up, I was just introducing them.  If they hit it off then great but if not, it wasn’t like either had to sit there and talk to the other because I mean after all, he was working.  They both agreed and knew that I was just introducing them.

We arrived and sat at the bar so that it was easy for them to talk.  About ten minutes later another guy walked up and sat directly beside my girlfriend and started talking.  I mean, constant talking.  He was on the verge of interrogating her.  Come to find out that the bartender invited his friend to come because he thought they would be a better fit from everything I told him about my girlfriend.

To make matters worse, the bartenders’ friend’s ex-girlfriend showed up and sat directly on the other side of her ex.  And then, yes, they got into a fight after about thirty minutes.

To make matters a little more than worse, the bartender was constantly flirting with a waitress that worked there.  Needless to say that at this point, my girlfriend literally wanted to kill me.  And I completely understood why.  I mean I brought her to meet a guy who by this time had already made his mind up that he wanted to introduce my girlfriend to his friend whose ex also showed up and the bartender was flirting with another girl.

Finally, the friend of the bartender and his ex left.  My girlfriend and I both let out a loud “Oh my gosh, I am ready to kill myself after dealing with that”.  The next guy down on the bar responded with a “Agreed.  I almost wanted to knock him out myself.”  And then this new guy and my girlfriend started talking.  But, to my surprise, neither exchanged numbers that night even though it was evident that they both were interested in each other.

My girlfriend will never trust me trying to set her up again.  It was quite terrible.

Okay, you are a few dates into your new found relationship.  But how do you keep your man interested and from running away?

Compliment and respect him

Yes, men need to hear you verbally say that they look nice or that they are really good at something.  Don’t just assume that they already know.  Trust me, they don’t.  They doubt themselves just as much as women do.

Respect your man!  Don’t act like he is wrong all the time.  Don’t interrupt him.  Show that you support his decisions and trust him to make the right ones.  Don’t second guess him.  Give him your undivided attention.

Know what he likes and don’t try to change him

Need I go into detail on this one?  Please learn your man and what he likes and dislikes.  This is everything from food, what he likes for you to wear, what activities he likes, how he handles stress, how he communicates and how much time he needs for himself.  Then, most importantly, don’t try to change him.  You either love him for the real him or you need to move on and let another girl love him for who he is.

Don’t forget who you are

He is falling for you or has already fell for you for a reason.  Many women have a bad habit of forgetting their identities after they enter into a monogamous relationship.  Their identity truly becomes “Girlfriend of ____”.   It is important for us to maintain our hobbies, interests, and take time to listen to the desires of our own hearts and bodies.

Go out of your way to do nice things for him

You heard me!  It isn’t up to the guy to constantly do things for you.  You need to take charge and initiate doing things for him with no expectation of receiving anything in return.  This can range from surprising him with a gift, to a surprise dinner, to just bringing him a glass of juice when he didn’t ask for it, to baking for him, to doing a chore you know he is dreading, to giving him a massage, to anything that you know he will enjoy but doesn’t expect.

Confidence is key

There truly is nothing sexier than confidence.  Fake it til you make it!

Curb your jealousy

Oh boy do I struggle with this one myself in my own relationship, but alas, yes, we must learn how to curb our jealousy.  So what if he glances at another female when she walks in.  Guess what, you are on his arm and is going home with you.  As long as he doesn’t do anything inappropriate like walk up to her and start chatting or constantly stare at her then let him off the hook.

Another point here, if he is in business then yes, he will have to work with other females.  You just need to get over this one and trust your guy.

Another instance, he has a few friends that are females and they have been around longer than you.  Give him a break as long as he introduces you to them, doesn’t hang out solely with them without you, or isn’t constantly texting or talking with them.

Be straight up and honest with your man

Men really do want you to tell them exactly how you feel.  Be straight up and honest.  Tell them if something is bothering you in plain English.  Point out if they did something that you don’t like or thought was disrespectful.  Women have a terrible way of coding a message and testing the guy to see if he can decode it.  What the heck!  Don’t say “I’m fine” or “Sure” or any other phrase that you know is not what you really mean.

Keep your body up

Seriously, this shouldn’t even be something that men have to worry about.  You should just want to look your best and not “let yourself go”.  So many women forget that they still need to look nice even after they get married too.  This goes for everything from what you smell like, to brushing your teeth, to watching your weight, to still dressing sexy for him and everything else that attracted your man to you to begin with.

Oh, and a huge pet peeve, shave your legs.  No man in his right minds wants to cuddle up with a woman who feels like a brillo pad.  This goes for winter too.  That’s right ladies; shave your legs no matter if you are wearing pants with boots or shorts with sandals.  Weather doesn’t matter in regards to legs!

Be spontaneous and adventurous

By this, I mean, be willing to change plans every now and then.  Be willing to try something a little different (activities in and out of the bedroom).

Don’t talk him to death

Sadly, many women don’t even realize that they are doing this.  It really is okay to shut up every now and then and let there be silence.  Oh, and men for the most part hate gossip.  Find a girlfriend to do this with.

Show him that all the pressure is not on him

Respect your man enough to show him that all the pressure on making your relationship work is not on him.  Tell and show him that you are equals.  Tell and show him that you both will work together to fix whatever goes wrong.  That both of you will take the responsibility to do chores, inside and outside.  That both of you will take the responsibility to show the other that they are the most important person in their lives.  That both of you will take the financial responsibility after marriage and won’t rely solely on the man to make a living.

Hold intelligent stimulating conversations with him

A huge turn-on for men, especially intelligent men, is the ability of the woman to carry an intelligent conversation with him.  They primarily want to know that you can think for yourself and can defend what you believe in.

Love and respect the people who are important to him

Lastly, don’t make him lose the people that were important to him before you came along.  This includes family and friends.  His family is his family.  If they matter to him, then they should matter to you.  Bottom line!

His friends are his friends.  They have probably seen him through so much that their bond is strong.  Try your hardest to develop a relationship with those people as well.  If you truly don’t get along with someone, still let him maintain that relationship without you.  He can just have a guy’s night with the friend that you don’t like.

You still have to work to keep your woman even after you have captured her heart.  Here’s how you can keep her interested and around.

Physical touch

PDA is only disgusting to those who don’t have it or can’t get it.  Step up and show the world that she is yours.  Hold her hand, hug her, and kiss her in public and at home.

Added benefit, you can’t be mad at someone you are touching.  Really, try it.  The next time you two fight; hold hands until you resolve it.  Or have fun in other touching ways.

Bottom line – ladies need to be touched in some way by our men.  And we need it often!

High Standard of Grooming

Please, if you don’t want us to let ourselves go physically, then show us the same respect.  Keep yourself groomed, clean, and in-shape.  This is everything from smell (breath and body), to shaving, to dress, to weight.

Surprise her sometimes

Women LOVE surprises!  It lets us know that you are thinking of us even when we aren’t together.  It doesn’t even have to be a tangible gift.  It can just be a drop-in at work if you get a free second.  Or a really sweet text message when we don’t expect it.  Or a homemade dinner when we are working late.  Just do something for us that lets us know we are important to you even when we aren’t together.

Let her know the real you and be honest

Yes, we need you to be manly but the sexiest thing is a guy who will let us, and only us, see the vulnerable or romantic side of him.  Be honest when you are feeling something.  Don’t hide it.  We really do want to know the real you.  If we never see this side of you then we know that you are hiding something.  If you are hiding this then what else are you hiding?

Make the plans sometimes and be decisive

Please don’t rely on your woman to make all the plans.  It’s a lot of pressure when we have to plan all the dates or activities the two of us do.  Sometimes you need to know which restaurant you want to eat at and not wait for us to decide.

Let her be in charge sometimes

As much as we love for the man to make decisions, we also want to be an equal in our relationship.  Let us make a few decisions on important matters.  Let us drive places when we go somewhere.  Let us cook if we want.

Be a gentlemen

Chivalry is not dead because you aren’t going to let it die.  Open the door for us.  Offer your jacket when we are cold.  Thank us for doing something for you.  Be loyal and generous.  Let us know that we are safe with you.

Trust her

We need you to trust us just as much as you need us to trust you.  Don’t call or text us every hour to find out what we are doing; especially if we are out with our girlfriends.

Be careful not to make her jealous

Insecurity will make us run faster than most anything.  If we feel or notice that you are still looking at other options on the market then we will run.  No one wants to be hurt like that.

Compliment her

Compliments go a long way.  If we know that you like something or are proud of us then we will do or dress that way again.  We need to hear sweet things from you.

Dream with her

Unfortunately, yes, we need to know that you are thinking towards the future.  Dream with us about where you want to go and what you want to accomplish.  Dream with us about our future as a couple.

Don’t expect perfection from us

Seriously, we are human too.  We aren’t going to be our most gorgeous when we wake up in the morning.  Yes, women fart and have upset stomachs too.  Don’t make a big deal about it.  Dinner isn’t always going to turn out perfectly.  We are going to screw up just like you do.

Put effort into your relationship

Women just want to know that you are in the relationship just as much as we are.  Refer to all other points in this blog post.

Should you do less and keep expectation low on a first date, or go big and hope for the best.

Great question and thank you for asking!  First, let me point out that the saying “Expect nothing and you can’t be disappointed” is a bunch of bologna.  You need to have a few relaxed expectations; otherwise, you are going to settle for anything and are robbing yourself of the chance to look forward to something.  (Okay, that’s my little vent for now.)

Here’s a date that a male friend of mine planned for a girl he was interested in.  I am going to point out what went wrong.  Then I willreveal secrets about each gender to help you decide how to plan your first date.

My friend had a crush on this girl and finally asked her out.  She said yes.  He was ecstatic and wanted to fully impress her.  So, he planned an extravagant date full of what he was sure was excitement, adventure, humor, lots of food and travel.  What could possibly go wrong?

He picked her up at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning.  They proceeded to grab breakfast at IHOP.  (Mistake #1: Really, that early for a first date.  Women don’t look their best that early and typically aren’t awake enough to be great company.  Just avoid this on first dates.)  You should know that she had no idea what they were doing on their date nor how long it would last.  (Mistake #2: Some people need to mentally prepare themselves for what they are about to experience.  Mistake #3: You should always let someone you trust know where you are going on a first date as a just in case.  She didn’t know her date that well.  He could have been crazy.)   From breakfast they left and started driving.  The destination was a little under 2 hours away.  (Mistake #4:  That’s a lot of time to fill with conversation.  Wouldn’t it be awkward if you ran out of things to talk about?  Plus, you just sat through an hour breakfast where you talked and now you have the rest of the date plus the drive back to talk.  Oh, and there’s no escaping if you should decide that the other person is crazy or something because you are far away from home.)  They arrived at a small treehouse vineyard for a tour, wine tasting, and a picnic.  The tour went well and they learned about the harvesting festival held each September.  Then they enjoyed a wine tasting.  Thankfully, the guy did ask ahead of time if she was a wine drinker.  They sampled 11 different wines and enjoyed a wine-a-rita on the deck overlooking the vineyard.  Things seemed to be moving along smoothly.  Next he pre-rented a treehouse for an hour so that they could enjoy a picnic high in the sky.  Romantic!  (Mistake #5: She had a full breakfast like 3.5 hours ago and then drank 11 different wines.  She was full by this point and didn’t eat much of the homemade picnic he packed.  This hurt his feeling!  Please remember that women don’t want to feel bloated on a first date.  We want to look and feel our best.  Therefore, you need to keep eating and drinking to a very reasonable amount.)   Before leaving he decided that it would be romantic if he bought tickets to the Harvesting Festival which was three months away.  (Mistake #6: Don’t assume that you will be together.  I mean this is your first date and you are still getting to know her.  You might end up hating each other.)  From this point, they proceeded to drive an additional 45 minutes to the next destination at Sky High Sports.  Guess what, she wasn’t dressed appropriately but since he had already paid and rented the trampolines for an hour, they had to stay.  (Mistake #7: Now she feels uncomfortable because she can’t fully enjoy the activity due to the way she is dressed.  She was sweating, smelled, and her hair was a mess by the time they left.  Plus, she was extremely full and started getting sick from the jumping on the trampoline.)  From there they drove an additional 25 minutes for an evening of pool, dinner, a few drinks, and a comedy show.  Dinner thankfully went off well and the comedy show was hilarious.  Then they drove a silent 2 hour drive home because both were fully exhausted and completely talked out.  Once he dropped her off at her house he thanked her for a great day, gave her a hug and drove away.

Two things could have resulted from this first date.

1. She would have fallen head over heels in love with him to the point where she is a leach after the date.  (Most guys will want to run far, far away from this type of girl.)

-Or-

1. At the end of this date, the lady will be left feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable, awkward, and left with little mystery about the man.

In my friend’s case, the lady was overwhelmed because it was so much to take in at once.  She was feeling a little uneasy about how expensive the date was.  She was uncomfortable because she wasn’t dressed appropriately for all activities.  She was overly full and felt bloated from all the food and drinks.  And, her feet were killing her from wearing heels all day.  She was also left feeling like there was very little mystery left to the guy because she knew his entire life story from talking all day.

The date itself was an awesome date and would have been amazing for a couple who had been around each other for any given amount of time prior.  My advice, make sure that your dates (first and any others) end on a positive note with feelings of desire from each other.  The last feeling is the feeling that you will remember.

Secrets that guys keep

1. Getting too tipsy on a first date is actually a turnoff.
2. Most guys want to run away as fast as possible after a one night stand.  They want to be the bad guy because that is what society has told them women want.  Guys don’t expect sex on a first date and if he does, then that probably isn’t a guy who is looking for a committed relationship.
3. Guys actually do like to cuddle and hold hands.
4. Heavy makeup is a turnoff.
5. Guys get jealous because they are insecure.
6. They notice what you are wearing and how groomed you are.
7. They play hard to get and they know it.  This is because women are supposed to be attracted to mystery men.
8. They struggle with Facebook timing.   They don’t want to friend you too quickly and chance looking desperate.
9. They freak out and worry too.

Secrets that women keep

1. We don’t want dinner and movie on a first date.  That’s boring. Try something that gets us laughing, sparks conversation, and shows that you want to get to know us.
2. We truly don’t realize if we are “interrogating” you on the first date or forget to talk about ourselves.  It’s in our DNA to just ask a lot of questions and sincerely be interested in you.
3. We think you are cheap if you let us pay for anything on the first date; even if we offer several times.
4. We want you to take charge and make the decisions on the first few dates.
5. The muscle definition in your arms and hands is enough to turn us on.
6. Details are highly important to us.
7. We have already stalked you and all of your exes on social media and the internet.
8. We only drink too much on the first date because that’s what we have been led to believe men want.  We are only trying to have fun and let you know that we can hold our own ground.
9. We truly do obsess on when we are going to hear from you again.
10. We constantly worry that you are comparing us in every way to your exes.

So, for men you need to surprise us.  Be the guy who is different and actually plans an activity for the date.  Movies and bars are old news and don’t impress us.  Clue us in on if we should wear something in particular.  Keep in mind that we only want the first date to take a couple of hours because we are nervous.  We want to be able to go home, lay in our bed, and reflect back on our (hopefully) fun date and all the conversations we had.  Surprise us and send a text after you get home that says “I had fun and look forward to getting to know you better next time.”  This lets us know that we will be hearing from you again.   Remember that we still want a little mystery so don’t reveal everything about you on the first date.  Please refrain from spending so much money to where we feel uncomfortable.  But don’t be cheap either.  Mind how you dress.  Don’t go too comfortable but don’t go too dressy either.  Jeans, a button down shirt (no under shirt as we like for you tease us a little too), nice shoes, groomed hair, nails trimmed, and teeth brushed.  *Hint, the most universal sexy look for a guy is in-style jeans with a white button down.  Most importantly, remember to have a conversation with us.  Don’t be so shy that you forget to talk and ask us questions.

So, for women you need to mind how you dress.  Wear something flattering that gives away just enough to tease but keep him interested.  Wear shoes that are comfortable so that you can adjust to anything you happen to do.  Don’t interrogate him.  Show interest in what he is saying.  Be appreciative but not overly.   Refrain from asking questions that have to do with anything regarding marriage, kids, or old girlfriends.  This is not first date material.  It makes you seem desperate, unconfident, and pushy.  Look your date in the eyes when they are talking to you.  Make sure you are well groomed.  Wear your hair down if possible.  Full, silky, swaying hair is sexy and men love it.  It’s a tease for them.  Be mindful of your purse size.  Too big of a bag says that you carry baggage, and I am not just talking about your purse. Stay confident.  He is, afterall, on a date with you.  Don’t be shy and remember to be yourself.

What’s your preferred approach to a first date? Leave it in the comment section.  

Do I check my partner’s phone or not?

One day a wife was simply picking things up to dust and she moved her husband’s phone.  She hit the home button by accident when placing it back down and a text alert appeared on the home screen from another lady.  What she could read of the text would have sounded an alarm for anyone that had any piece of insecurity.  It read, “I am excited that you are excited too.”  She didn’t recognize the sender and immediately the worst thoughts came to her mind.  What could her husband possibly be excited about with this woman?

It is quite amazing how one simple text that shows on your partner’s home screen has the power to make a person fall and feel completely unprotected in an instant.  It doesn’t matter how strong of a couple you are.  That one brief text could cause you to doubt everything you believe and feel.

The wife battled back and forth internally for the rest of the day about whether she wanted to actually check his phone to read the context or just trust that their love and bond was enough to keep him faithful.  She decided that she had to know what was going on.  So, she checked his phone while he was taking a shower.

Before my current relationship, I would have agreed that snooping was allowed and encouraged.  That’s because I never trusted my partner.  Our relationship lacked fundamentals that ensured safety with each other.

Through experience I have learned that men will always have other women they talk to and women will always have other men they talk to.  Not talking in a way that they are flirting or even considering anything.  There are only two kinds of people on Earth – males and females.  You haven’t been in your current relationship for your entire life.  More than likely you had friends of the opposite sex before your current relationship.  If my boyfriend were to look at my phone today he would see that I have been talking with two of my male friends.  This would provoke questions about how we know each other, how long, what our friendship has looked like, how often do I talk to him, etc.  No matter my answers and no matter the fact that during most of the texts I was bragging about him, this would cause unnecessary insecurity in my boyfriend’s mind because that is the natural reaction for humans.  We all view anyone of the opposite sex as a threat, especially if we don’t know the person our partner is talking to.

So, no, I don’t think you should check your partner’s phone.  Trust goes a long way in a relationship.  Your partner would be completely hurt and will subconsciously take a step back in the relationship by just knowing that you don’t trust him or her.  The need to read can be a sign that your relationship is struggling at a bigger scale than you may realize.  Also, unless you know the full conversation, texts and other communication methods can be misinterpreted by an outsider.

Another point, if someone is going to cheat on you, then they are going to do it no matter what.  It literally takes two seconds to delete a conversation thread.  So unless you are going to check all text messages, Facebook messages, phone logs, twitter accounts, email, and any other method of communication, you just need to trust your partner to do the right thing.  I promise that if he/she is cheating on you then you will find out.  At some point he/she will slip or confess.  Besides, nowadays, there are apps that delete messages instantly after sending messages anyway.  You will never find out if they don’t want you to.  So, if a text is on your partner’s phone, it more than likely is innocent or he/she would have deleted it.

I do believe that your partner should be more than willing to every now and then let you look through their phone or Facebook if you ask.  However, you shouldn’t abuse this and ask all the time.  If they haven’t given you a reason to not trust them then you need to back off.  Their willingness to let you look should speak volumes and then you wouldn’t even need to.  You will know that they aren’t hiding anything by their willingness to share.

You should also consider whether you are you an open book?  How would you feel if your partner was snooping and checking up on you?  Everyone needs a little bit of privacy.

What’s your opinion on checking up on your partner? Leave it in the comment section. 

Question from reader:
This question is pretty specific but I need some advice ASAP!!!  I have a date this weekend that I’m very excited about but there’s just one problem…. the girl I’m going on a date is TALLER THAN ME!  We’ve never met in person and have just been set up by mutual friends.  My buddy warned me that she’s almost 6 feet tall.  I’m thinking about buying some lifts to put in my shoes to make me a little bit taller.  Nothing crazy, just a couple extra inches.  I want to make a GREAT first impression!  On the flip side, what if we really hit it off and get into a serious relationship???  I don’t want to carry this secret around for years!  At the same time, I don’t want her to immediately dismiss me because I’m a few inches shorter than her!  PLEASE HELP!!!

Our Answer: 
First, thank you for asking for our unbiased opinion on your upcoming date.  Let me first point out that if you were set up by mutual friends then she probably already knows that you are shorter than her.  Which means that she still agreed to go out with you regardless.  It would be very awkward if you showed up and were just as tall as she was.  Then if you two hit if off, she will subconsciously have trust issues with you because you tried to hide who you really were on the first date.  Best to avoid!  Plus, if they are mutual friends and they were talking to you about her then guess what, they were talking to her about you.

Second point, what if they haven’t warned her about your height but you run into her after the date unplanned.  She will then wonder how you were her height before but now you are shorter than she is.  Once again resulting in trust issues.

You should never have to hide who you are in order to get someone’s attention.  You don’t want to start a relationship based off a lie.  Let her fall for the real you because the real you is good enough!

We wish you the best on your date.  Let us know how it goes.

Agree or disagree with the advice we gave?  Leave it in the comment section.